TV taught me everything I know about love

Let’s start off by saying I love TV, I really do, you can learn so much from TV shows. TV gives you an insight into what is going on in the world and it can teach you so much. TV taught me everything I know about love, I know, I know, it sounds crazy but it’s true. I bet if you think about it, something you saw on TV helped you in some way with your relationship whether good or bad. I want you to take a trip back in time with me and see how TV has helped develop my mind and help me become the relationship writer you see before you today.

Without divulging my age, we just met so I need to get to know you a little before I get that personal, as a kid in the 70’s, there was a cartoon/variety show called The Jackson 5ive about the Jackson’s, that one show taught me about heartbreak. I was in Love with Michael Jackson, not your average puppy love, more like stalk him on any TV show he was on, obsessed, bunny on the stove type love. I watched everything that featured Michael Jackson, so when they came out with the cartoon on Saturday mornings I was ecstatic.

The show started out with the real Jackson and then they morphed into cartoon characters, and sometimes they would interject the real Jackson 5 during a performance. I lived for those few moments to get a glimpse of my man. At the end of each show I would cry, so, every Saturday I had a routine, I would start off hyped at the beginning of the show and by the end of the show I would become totally depressed because I knew I would not see Michael Jackson again until next Saturday.

Crazy, a little bit, but I learned a valuable lesson about love, love can be the best thing you have ever felt but it can also cause you the most pain. The key is to appreciate the time you have with your mate and hold on to those feelings during those not so fantastic time, time moves so fast and you want to cherish every moment you have.

What has TV taught you about love?

In the 80’s there was this little show called the Cosby Show, for those unfamiliar with the premise of the show, it was about the Huxtable family, Cliff and Clair Huxtable. Cliff was a doctor, an obstetrician to be exact and Clair was a lawyer, they had five children and they were an affluent African-American couple on TV. As an African-American pre-teen this show showed me what black love was all about.

I saw very accomplished adults show nothing but absolute love for one another. They taught me the proper way to argue and make up with your mate. They taught me how to have fun with your mate and your kids and I learned about romance. I learned that having a family is not the end of your life, which I honestly thought as a pre-teen, having a family can be fun and very interesting.

Around the same time another show called A Different World gave my teenage eyes a look at what college and love was all about. The courtship between Whitley Gilbert and Dewayne Wayne was so intense and fantastic I wished everyday that I could have that kind of love.

They started off as friends and built a relationship, not withstanding a few bumps in the road, and ended up having the absolute best wedding in the history of weddings. What I learned from their courtship is taking things slow is not a bad thing. In the beginning Dewayne and Whitley struggled to get their relationship off the ground, they started off as friends and I believe because of that friendship they were able to sustain a real relationship once the relationship came into fruition.

Just because you want a relationship does not mean it’s time for that love affair to happen. Sometimes we have to go through a few rough patches and even date other seemingly perfect people to appreciate the person that was right for us all along. Now I don’t suggest crashing someone’s wedding saying “will you? Whitley I love you and if you will have me, I want you to be my wife, will you have me to be your lawfully wedded husband, please baby please”, even though it’s a beautiful gesture (to me), it may not go off as well as it did on the show. What really stands out to me was the episode before the wedding between Dewayne and Whitley, Dewayne says to Whitley “you taught me how to love”, she says “you taught mehow to love”, well guys, you both taught me how to love.

The 90’s brought about my legal status and Sex and the City, what that show taught me is that women don’t have to be ashamed about going after whatever it is you want. I’ve heard people, well mostly men, say that the show was all about sex, when I hear this I know for a fact, they didn’t watch the show. The show was about women exploring modern social issues like sexuality, femininity and relationships while maintaining great friendships.

I learned cosmopolitans were way to strong for me and also that enjoying sex was ok. Sex and the City broke every rule, it empowered women to accept our sexuality and not be afraid to show it. I also learned that you may have to go through a lot of different men and circumstances to find the one for you. Or in Samantha’s case you may realize that relationships are just not for you and the best lesson learned is whatever you decide, it’s ok because as long as you stay true to yourself nothing else matters. Sex and the City ultimately gave me the strength to just be me.

Do you remember any of these shows?

What shows touched your life?The millennium brought in the world of reality TV with shows like The Bachelor, Temptation Island and The Kardashians. These shows taught me what not to do to be in a relationship. The Bachelor/Bacheloretteis about women and men vying for someone’s love. The kicker is the bachelor/bachelorette gets to date a lot of people then on the finale they pick who they are in “love”with and propose. Needless to say out of all the couples on these shows only one is still married, the reason this does not work is you can’t fall in love with someone whilst, (now I’m British) ,dating other people.

Temptation Island brought actual couples to an island, separated them from each other then set out to tempt them with beautiful single people. How in love can you really be with your mate to agree to something like that? Either the couples wanted a free pass to cheat or they were looking for a reason to break-up. Trust me, no one truly in love with their mate could stand for anyone to touch the person they love so a show like this would never enter their mind to be on.

Keeping up with the Kardashian’swhat can you say about them, one is in what appears to be the most dysfunctional relationship ever and the other sister makes marriage look like a joke. I thought it was hilarious to hear someone say that after a mere 70 days of marriage they exhausted all possibilities to sustain a marriage.

Do you think you can find love on TV?

What reality TV taught me about love is absolutely nothing. None of them hold any value and tend to make a mockery out of love. Thank God I had the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s to see functional and loving relationships on TV. At the precious age of 38, we’ve been through a lot and gotten to know each other so I can reveal my age now, I learned patience, gained strength, saw people in my age group in love, experienced heartache, learned to appreciate family and my favorite…I learned how to love.

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When the Ex Returns

I was recently approached by an ex asking if I wanted to hook up. I played it off because I thought maybe he was drunk or something and just talking. He called a couple of days later and asked "what about us". I thought, really, there is an us, who knew. I'm not really sure where this came from, he is married, I'm in a relationship and we have been friends forever.

He wanted to talk about us and we were finally able to do that, he asked me what I thought about us cheating. I told him that I didn't think about it, mostly I thought it was a joke and I didn't take it seriously. I told him that we have a lot to lose and are we really willing to sacrifice our relationships for sex. He agreed, more I think out of embarrassment than anything else and it got me to thinking.

I'm sure something is going on in his marriage however it's not for me to find out his issues. What I know for sure is, I can't let someone elses problem interfere with my life. It's easy for people to deal with relationships problems by going out and cheating or so they think. The true way to handle a problemis to deal with it head on, bringing someone to your problem only causes more problems. For him I think the issue is I'm comfortable so when he thinks about a uncomplicated relationship he thinks of me. The sad part is, I don't think of him like that.

Relationships are not easy, they are work, they can be complicated and messy, but they can also be beautiful and amazing. To get the beautiful and amazing takes work, instead of people looking for the easy way out of issues, take the path of what is true to your relationship. We should always follow the path of our truth, think of what a great world we would live in if we did.

The Royal Wedding-The Reality of the Fairytale

I can't say that I actually watched the royal wedding because that would be lying and inevitably someone will catch me in that lie. So I can say that while I did not see the ceremony I did see the procession to Buckingham Palace in the 17th century carriage (please correct me if I'm wrong because it was 6 in the morning). I can also say that they looked absolutely in love and she is unquestionably a beautiful woman.

As you know every talk show today discussed the wedding, most people talked about the fashion and the 1 million people out there partying. I want to talk about the fairytale. I watched the queen of talk shows today, Oprah, and of course Oprah covered the wedding like only she can. It was a very entertaining show but she made a statement that stuck out to me. Oprah said , we all know that fairy tales are not true but we hope they have a great life together. True sentiment all around, the part that struck me was the we all know that fairy tales aren't real.

I don't think some women believe that, I find a lot of women think that some prince is going to ride up on a white horse and save them from their miserable lives. Honey, that ain't neva gonna happen. While I do believe The Duke and Duchess (see I learned something) love each other, they have a long road ahead of them. If 1 million people showed up to a wedding they were not invited to and over a billion people watched it on TV, you are going to be under such a microscope. Normal relationships can't handle a few family members and friends getting in their business. Just think if the Queen of England was your grandmother and everyone in the world had something to say about your relationship.

See ladies, that is the reality of the fairytale, its not a fairytale, it sucks on the highest degree and to be honest, I feel sorry for Kate (we can't even technically call her Kate anymore, it's Catherine). What a world that you can't even be called by the name you have always gone by. I just want everyone to understand, while the wedding was undoubtedly beautiful and elegant and prestigious. Just like the rest of us, after the wedding, real life steps in and let me tell you, she can be a bitch.

Good luck Kate!

Did you watch the royal wedding? What are your thoughts on the wedding? Do you believe in fairy tales?

You Complete Me

The other day I was on FB and one of my "friends" made the comment and I quote, "I am now off the market, I have found someone that completes me, please respect my relationship". The first thing that popped in my head was, why did you even have to post this in FB for the world to see? Did you do it because your new man wanted you to announce it to the world? Or because you wanted to send the message to some people that may have been interested in you? Whatever the case may be, it's your business and I'm okay with you shouting out to the world.

What I am not okay with is the statement of someone completing you. In the 1996 cult following movie Jerry Maguire, we all thought that was the sweetest thing in the world when Tom Cruise looked at Rene Zellweger and uttered the words, you. complete. me, women swooned and men said, yes..new line! However, really, can someone actually complete you? By saying that they can you are saying that you were never whole in the first place which normally translate into a bit of a needy person.

Think about it, if you complete someone and they truly believe that, that means, to them, you are somewhat responsible for their happiness and unhappiness because they needed you in the first place to feel complete. It's simple transference, from what I know about this particular person (all from her FB post), she has a lot of issues. She is dealing with abandonment issues and so are her children, she had a rough life growing up and I'm sure this man is a welcomed surprise. Hey we all have issues from our past and a few in our present lives, however when we start to depend on someone to fix those problems, well, then we have a problem.

What you should be looking for in a relationship is someone who compliments who you are and vice verse. Yes, your significant other should be able to help you through some obstacles, however, that should not be a requirement. We have to be careful about the things we say out loud, we speak it and it becomes reality. The only person that can complete you, is you, so get to work on finding you and leave the significant other to more important things, like just loving you.

How do you feel about the words "you complete me"? Do you think another person can really complete you? Lets discuss.

May 1st is Couple Appreciation Day

Did you know there is a day for couples to appreciate each other? You didn't, see that's what I'm here for. I have all the inside information. Couple Appreciation Day is May 1st and the greetings card company and the flower shops and the restaurants want you to celebrate. Seriously, you need someone to tell you to appreciate each other. I think I feel the same way about this day as I feel about Valentines Day (don't even get me started). We do we fall prey to the made up days, there is Valentines Day, Sweetheart Day, Step Mother's, wash your clothes day, brush your teeth day, well you get my point. As a couple you should appreciate each other, well not everyday, that takes to much time, but at least sometimes.

I mean I know that everyday is not a great day but there are some days that your mate comes in the house with your favorite take-out. Or they wash your car or clean the kitchen, they are showing you that they appreciate you and in return you do something nice for them. I'm not saying for you to do tick for tack but a little appreciation does go along way. My issue is, I don't want people to tell me that on this day I should do it. I like for things to be genuine so I won't be celebrating Couple Appreciation Day on May 1st, however May 2nd, that's all me.


Do you plan on celebrating Couple Appreciation Day on May 1st? If you are, tell us what you will be doing. If you decide not to, tell us why.

Being mad all the time...that's normal right

Relationships can be fun but most people don't seem to realize that. Last night I saw Madea's Big Happy Family and the relationships in that movie bordered psychotic...on the surface. The women were angry and mean and pissed all the time, the men were spineless and whiny and the type of men most women want...on the surface. The problem with all of those relationships were, no one was communicating.

In life women think men are just supposed to know what we are thinking and men think we should just do whatever it is they say both couldn't be anymore wrong. To make relatiosnhips work, people have to communicate, it's esential to the success of any relationship. If your mate, friend, parent, or boss never hears from you how you feel about anything you can't be upset when they don't understand your anger or whatever it is your feeling. Man up or woman up and treat your relationship like you want someone to treat you. Hopefully that's well.